I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
