I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
