The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
