I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Randomize
