just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
