i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
