i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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