a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
