I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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