I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize