yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
