i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
