Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
The air was thick with penises
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
