All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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