Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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