Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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