My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Also, beer. Big fan.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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