So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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