We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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