Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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