and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
