Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
