Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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