next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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