I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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