You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
