lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
