oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
