considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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