am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I didn't notice because vodka
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
