I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
