her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
