Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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