Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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