I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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