exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
false alarm, still single
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