Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
