Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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