That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
