Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
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I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
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He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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