i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
