Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
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