phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
