My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Randomize
