Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
