just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
