I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
