i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
