I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
