Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I think my fart just growled at me.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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