His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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