I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
