why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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