I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
