My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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