Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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