Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
