my phone needs a breathalizer
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i love accidental penises.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
