Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I just forgot I was standing up.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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