careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
