Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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