my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
