CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize